Rituals of Strength

The rituals of strength, the smell of the dew on the grass before the sun has risen, the cool darkness of morning, it is worship.  The early morning alarm sound jolting fuzzy awareness from the warmth of sleep, the sound of water running in the sink, brushing teeth, making coffee, wanting to go back to bed, it is worship.  Moving the joints, stretching the limbs, increasing the flow of blood, the pumping of the heart, the sound of breath, it is worship.  First pull, first lift, first swing, first sprint, it is worship.  It is so early, so many people are still asleep, or dragging themselves into the shower, here on the field we sweat, we grunt, we doubt ourselves and our ability but we continue to move, to push, to pull, to lift, to throw...the sun begins to spray the first rays of light across the horizon, it is worship.  Covered in sweat, gasping for breath, body trembling, fully awake in ways beyond the boundaries of consensus reality, alive, really alive, really alive and breathing and human and aware and so fucking thankful to be awake, aware, alive...it is worship.  The rituals of strength.

Back in the swing...sort of

Well folks, the kid had himself a vasectomy.  I know, I know, too much information right?  I felt that way in the beginning, like I really did not want to tell people about it, that it would be a hand better played close to the chest.  After all, we live in a culture where there is tremendous social pressure to grow up, get married, and then start having children and lots of debt.  I have done at least one of those things, I have married.  My wife and I decided that we enjoy our freedom, and struggle for more freedom, more than the biological and social imperative to reproduce.  We also decided that her continuing to take hormone filled birth control pills was not really in line with our goal of living a more healthy lifestyle.  So I sucked up my fear, went to the doctor and had a vasectomy.  And now I am telling you about it because...well I guess in a certain sense I am proud of it.

First off let me tell you that all the stuff you hear about a vasectomy not being that painful and having a quick recovery time...neither of those things was true in my case.  I am sure there are some lucky guys out there that did not experience much pain or discomfort but I am not one of them.  The procedure itself was not painful, but the two shots in the testicles before the procedure hurt like a son of a bitch!  And the recovery....well I am almost 3 weeks into the recovery and it hurt.  The past 2 1/2 weeks have felt like I was recovering from getting kicked in the balls by the Incredible Hulk.

I have not been able to really workout.  I have done a few workouts over the 3 weeks but after each one I was back on the sofa with ice packs between my legs.  This past Friday was the first time I have been able to participate in a typical CrossFit WOD without painful repercussions.  As someone who loves the physical arts, being sidelined for approximately 3 weeks has not been an easy thing.  Guys like us do not really enjoy sitting around too much.  I have been so eacger to get back into the swing of things and it felt GREAT to be able to enjoy a workout with relatively little pain.  I am not back 100% yet but I am feeling like I am getting close.

Goals and Community

Okay, I know that to a lot of people it is no big deal.  There are people in gyms all over the world who can do muscle ups, people can do 10 to 20 of them at a time.  Hell, a muscle up is just the way a gymnast gets up onto the rings to do all the interesting and amazing gymnastics.  Regardless of all of that, to me, a muscle up is a big deal.

I have been trying to get a muscle up for months.  I have had the strength.  I have understood how the movement works.  I have known for months that I "should" be able to do a muscle up, and yet I have not been able to get one.  I have no problem telling you the reason why....fear.  To put it simply, I was afraid to really try.  If I closed my eyes all I could see was myself dislocating a shoulder, falling, breaking an arm etc.  Despite this fear, each time I came into the gym I worked on some aspect of a muscle up.  I would do ring dips, I would work the transition, I would jump into a muscle up, I would use bands.  Over time I let my body get more comfortable with the various parts of the movement.  But I was still afraid to just go for it.  Then last Friday I did just that.

I spent some time that day jumping into the low position of the movement, and raising the rings higher and higher.  My friends Jesse and Jevon encouraged me to just go for it.  They assured me that I could do it.  I took a few deep breaths and then a big kip and before I knew it I was sitting in the low position of a full muscle up.  I was so shocked that I jumped down without finishing the move.  I just could not believe that I had done it without ripping my arm out of the socket!  Other friends from the noon class joined the chorus of encouragement and I jumped back up on the rings and did my first muscle up.  I finished the movement to cheers from my fellow athletes.  It felt great!

For months I had wanted to be able to do a muscle up but my fear was holding me back.  I shared my fear with my friends at the gym and received understanding, friendly joking and teasing, and most of all support.  My friends watched me try and try and fail and fail at the muscle up.  Throughout all of it they continued to encourage and coach me on.  My friends were there when I achieved my goal...I achieved it to the sounds of their cheers.  Most importantly I achieved it with them.  My community, my tribe was a key element to my success.

One of the open secrets of life deals with the types of people we surround ourselves with.  I am so greatful to be part of a tribe of supportive, strong, and fun friends.

Here is a side ways video of my muscle up: